Now to Punish Cheating Wives

by CHRISTINA VIEGAS
Posted on 2008-12-16
Our country is reeling under the umpteen archaic laws laid down. Alas, very few people actually benefit from this. On the flip side, we have the helpless aged kicked out of their ancestral homes by their very children. Pedophiles roaming free on bail or not even caught, leaving hundreds of innocent children to the mercy of these perverts and what is alarming is that we do not even know who is one. Rapists getting away as though they just destroyed a non-living doll! Corruption, terrorism and criminals galore!
Yet, we will soon be seeing a new law being enforced – punishing an adulterous wife; a law to tear people apart. Ironically, the wrongdoing touted here is an act, that too a consensual one, whether of love or lust, between two people.
We are in total agreement - If the man is being penalised, it is only apt to punish the woman too, as she is ‘no innocent’ getting into the act. But our point is not about whether one or both are punished. It is why an enforcement of law on human emotions and bonding?
Yes, the relationship is taboo, it is decried and screamed down upon, but the fact remains that extramarital affairs have always been around from time immemorial and will continue to thrive as long as there are humans around. As, even this taboo relationship involves the bonding of two human beings to the extent that they definitely care for each other and very often even love each other.
Talk to a cross section of the residents of the state and they unanimously say that these relationships happen for various reasons whether justifiable or not. It should be left to the spouses to sort out with help from support groups, and not the law.
Always having spoken to the president of the GCCI, Mr Nitin Kuncolienkar, on matters concerning economy, this time it was good to get his view on human bonding. Amidst lots of laughter, he starts off on a humorous note, “Let people just enjoy themselves.” Then he gets thinking and says, “Both should be exempted, as it is a personal choice. Laying down of legislations is definitely not the answer."
He continues, "There are laws on alcohol consumption and smoking. Still people drink and smoke. So, this law will only create a situation for blackmailing, not help."
His suggestion is, "Instead, there should be a societal transformation where people need to be educated on such relationships – why they happen, how to handle them, the consequences etc."
And quite impressively, he concludes, "Let the person be her/his own judge. Let morality prevail."
Many others affirm that it is only human to feel attraction and even love for another, it is not within ones control. But how you handle the situation is what counts. Who can restrain and who cannot! How far to go or when to say no!
Every psychologist spoken to is of the similar view that the law will not serve any purpose. Mr Anil Rane, horse lover and consulting psychiatrist at the Institute of Psychiatry and Human Behaviour, asks, “Why does it all boil down to the physical act? What about emotional relationships or emotional infidelity? Who is to crack down on that? No one will confess an emotional bonding?"
He continues, "In no way will the betrayed spouse benefit from this law as this is a situation where rules cannot be enforced, it involves emotions. What has to be tackled, and that too in the most sensitive manner is, what led to the affair. We need to have solutions which will allow people to express their feelings and live in a meaningful way."
Most people angrily cough up, "And who defines what is wrong or right? Someone can have the best wife and still be a compulsive womaniser, whereas another might have truly fallen in love. Another can be a case of putting up with her spouse within the boundaries of marriage but aching for her lover. So, who’s to decide what is right or wrong and by whose standards?"
Most of the women wanted to remain anonymous. Not surprising, as any woman who talks of what a woman needs or wants is not seen as strong, instead, she is always looked down as a tramp by our society of hypocrites.
We talk in clichés of changing times and women empowerment and yet, even in the latest Hindi flick ‘Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi’, the reputed director who gave us timeless romantic stories, succumbed to gratify the Indian mentality and lacked guts in showing the female protagonist, overlooking her boring spouse and falling in love with another lively, humorous and charming man.
Instead, the director chose to have the husband himself changing his look and wooing his wife. And conveniently, the husband is portrayed as God himself. Wonder which planet he dropped from? When will people ever realise that women need erring, warm, human men who will make them laugh, cry, fume in anger, and love passionately, not ‘Rab’ himself to worship like a stone?